Month: May 2023

Summertime Blues

We barely touch 80° today and I’m already feeling it. I don’t do well with unstructured time or heat. And now I have the tiny downside to my move…no central air. First world problems. I’m still in a better head space and I have some preparation done, more to do (always more to do). I also (as usual) got very little done this weekend which was not good as my next few days will be properly slammed.

All of Cascadia is preparing for an early heatwave and I really do think the weather extremes of the last few years are the new normal, not some aberration—this is climate change. I worry that some of the more extreme speculative fiction climate stories I’ve read point the way to our disastrous near future. More fires. More floods. More earthquakes. A few tsunamis in unexpected places. I don’t want to see the Cascadia subduction zone fire off any more than I want extreme heat to make the American Midwest, parts of India & Asia, or parts of Australia actually untenable for human habitation. I’m not keen on water or food shortages. I fear the diseases that will make Covid-19 look like a minor cold.

We don’t know what’s coming other than a need for people to band together, exercise compassion (which feels in shorter and shorter supply if one follows any news), and regional solutions for world problems. The climate crisis won’t be solved by one major shift; it will be solved by 10,000 solutions that fit various regions around the world. We have to look to the past, find technologies that work for where we live, pull together in communities, protect our most vulnerable members, and do the best we can with what we have.

We have to listen.

I’m positive that no government is truly prepared to listen. I doubt most institutions are prepared to listen. I am confident that the solutions lie in with the people who have had to make do…with the people who have been forced to innovate.

I fear we will slip back towards the worst kind of tribalism and othering of people who should be part of our tribes. We’ve already driven head-first into a binary rage system where anyone who isn’t “like me” is other rather than someone to be treated humanely.

Who’s going to listen to me?

May the whirlwinds you reap be full of hope rather than fear…

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CP 6.13 (13 Strange Things)

  • Cats growling at corners
  • Cleansing with the moon, the sun, the air instead of incense
  • The protection of prayer
  • Rituals: there are so many rituals in this world for relaxation, readiness, keeping panic at bay, protection, tea or coffee, cooking, holidays…
  • Ellipses are so much more than a representation of missing words in a quote. They let a thought stretch or indicate an appositive that’s softer than other punctuated explanations. They annoy…oh, the bliss of stretching the English language and its guardians of grammar.
  • The pull of naps or twilight daydreams
  • The increasing pollen annually
  • The horrifying entitlements that crash against me increasing the need to flee into words, stories, books, other lives, laziness
  • The way a bedroom can become a safe haven for the spirit even in a bright, happy home
  • Shades of loneliness versus the choice of alone
  • The power we give away
  • The shame we hold inside
  • The odd taste of words swallowed in blood

Waiting for Sleep 230504

Do you have a quote you live your life by or think of often?

I have a handful of Bible verses & lines of poetry that I hold close to my heart. Every few of years I have a motto for my school year, but it’s been a minute. And, I’m always liking things I read for quotes to inspire writing or loathing of writing in my students.

As did many I fell into a deeper depression during the Covid lockdowns. My bedroom became the safe space in my house and there were too many days I rarely left the bed. It didn’t help that the year before I was on a medication that, while helping my migraines, really did a number in my brain, my memory, my ability to function.

There are wonderful people who supported me as best they could despite my seemingly best efforts to withdraw from life. And I don’t blame some of them for backing off or staying cautious about me pulling myself into a slightly better mindset over the last few months.

The negative pathways in my kind got strong, my tendency towards laziness got stronger, my ability to people got much weaker.

Now, I am reaping my whirlwinds.

I live in a brighter home with less clutter, but I still fight my desire to nap as a rather unhealthy way of dealing with life and other difficulties. I find money tight as I work towards paying off my debts. I can see shadows in the light at the end of this tunnel. I can remember that hell is a state of mind. I understand that God is infinitely creative, loving, and present (I also know that I’m not quite sure what that really means , because the Creator can’t be put into concepts that humans can really understand).

Bad things exist in the world because people have the choice to give into their darker impulses. Bad things exist because some people enjoy cruelty for the sake of the pain it causes others; other people are so convinced of their own rightness and righteousness that they ooze a different kind of cruelty cloaked in religion or personal freedom. Bad things exist because people exist with free will.

Each of us has to make the choice in each moment, each day to reach for our better selves. When I read The Gospel of John I see a Jesus who taught his followers to live love, to give to those who have less, to practice community & compassions. I see a piece of God in the world. An example of what I can be. A promise that it’s okay to fail, to flail, to make mistakes. I know many, many others have a very different understanding.

I have learned that the grass maybe greener, but it’s probably spray painted.

I have learned to ask for help, to accept help.

I always have room to reach for my better nature.

May the whirlwinds you reap be full of love…

CP 3.13 (Sonnet)

Lord help me…

It’s writing time and I’ve been challenged to write a modern sonnet. Wish me luck…

Challenger 
Haikus don’t need to rhyme; 
Tupac has more flow than all these kids
Trying to win me over to letting them go.

Soon enough those little birds
Will crack their wings on the whirlwinds
Spinning right round
Pushing up to down

What’ll happen when reality bites back
And they come running home
Tails between their legs
Life reminding them to ask for grace
Teaching them the hard way respect is earned?

Common courtesy builds bridges;
Compassion builds communities.