I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling like I should be a better member of my family; I’m also not alone in feeling like I have been wrong and I have wronged… All of that falls to the wayside once mortality raises its ugly head. It’s funny. I don’t much fear my own death; I was brought up to believe that when I die, I will return to God. I don’t know what that means, though. I don’t think I ever really bought into the golden palaces or mansions or streets of heaven—as it’s described in various bits and pieces of the Bible. That always struck me as much more metaphorical than literal.

Thinking about the loss of family or watching people I care about lose familymakes me realize how so much stops mattering. Old arguments old hurts old, thoughtless comments on all sides, the remembered slights of growing up… knowing that you’ll always be the big disappointment, no matter what you do… Too many of us feel that way I think whether or not it’s based in reality. Again, these things fall by the wayside when we look at how easily human life fades.

For the past few years, I’ve been emphasizing community with my students. Some of them embrace it they understand it. It’s seated in the soil of their minds, and I believe it comes to fruition as they grow deeper into adulthood. In my community, the people who are involved in the round up are often brought up to contribute to their community in very specific ways. But I don’t know that every kid feels that their community is giving back to them or knows how to give back to their community in a way that makes sense to them. With the increase of poverty and the decrease of reasonable well paid work I get it. Oregon is not the only place with declining birth rates and I think more people need to look at why others are choosing not to have children. I chose not to have children when I was 16 as in I knew for sure that I didn’t want to be pregnant, that I didn’t want to give birth; I was open to the idea of adoption, but a life of spinsterhood and teaching made that a moot point for me.

Everyone has their own reasons and I don’t think most of those reasons are inherently selfish. But I think this epidemic of loneliness “oh, I’m sorry I meant male loneliness” because, obviously, women aren’t alone or feeling lonely—children aren’t ever isolated by circumstance or choice… anyway, the only real cure for it building up small communities that can then stretch into larger communities. So let’s say we call them I would call them “stitch & bitches“ or “book clubs“ or “classes that our community art center“ or patrons of this that or the other. Perhaps we just befriend people we meet who are sitting alone also in restaurants or hangout places. Maybe we make Marin friendly hangout places. Maybe we make safe places for kids to hang out too and their parents to have something to do also. Many of these things already exist, but I don’t know that most people feel like they can take advantage of them.

I guess I’m just rambling a little bit as graduation is Sunday and that means the 30th group of kids I’ve taught is walking across the stage. I’m just so grateful that even now I can walk into a classroom: at the beginning of the year or at the end of the year, look around, and know that if they can make it to graduation—if they can make it 25—if they can make it to 30—they’re gonna be OK. Because the whole time, they’re in the process of becoming the people they’re meant to be. I just hope most of us are pushing them towards their better selves—in the end that’s up to them though.

I’m keeping faith. I’m hoping the lessons we all teach will resurface at the right times.