I’ve been in a funk lately.
I haven’t been making the
best smartest decisions. And, I keep thinking about my failures.
As I’ve tried falling asleep the last few nights, my failures (past and present). I know that I wouldn’t be who I am now without my failures. Sometimes they involve overreacting, underreacting, trying too hard at the wrong things, not trying hard enough at the right things. Mostly though, I hate that I have hurt people or made the lives of others more difficult than they needed to be. I can listen, but I can’t always tease the reality from what I’m told—I’m more aware than ever of how much I don’t know.
I do know that I have learned from my mistakes and failures. I know I’ve learned from my successes. Too often it doesn’t feel like enough. Many of us constantly reach toward our better selves even as we stop ourselves from making the smart choices. Sometimes we stop ourselves from making the right choices too.
I hope I make more right choices. I hope that I am a positive memory more often than a damaging one.
On these days or nights I remind myself that it’s okay for people not to like me. I can be a bit much or not enough. What my head knows isn’t always easy for my heart to feel.
This post feels like an expanding spiral that doesn’t really say anything…