This is what happens when I give my “writers” free write time and ask one of them for a topic. I end up with bananas which I’m not even sure I spelled correctly. The struggles of lifelong, low-grade dyslexia. I can hear the—hOLY cRAP one of my never-shows just showed!—tinny music coming from someone’s speakers, but I don’t really care who. Now, three of them are just watching me type instead of writing and that means I might restart the ten minutes. Yes, I am “atting” them.

Apparently, I’m not on topic (thank you DC). I only really like bananas in my slim fast, who (stop correcting me JE—write your own stuff!). I’m totally undoing all the street cred I might once have had. I’ve never had street cred, who am I trying to kid?

They want to turn everything in and I don’t want to read their freewrites. Points are not that important, practicing skills like effective communication are important. So, no, JC, you are not turning this in.

Back to bananas (I don’t care JF if you want to turn this in, I don’t want to read it). Anyway, I totally subvert the Slimfast instructions when I decide to use the powder for a smoothie. Sometimes, often, my smoothies are plain yogurt, frozen fruit, and whole milk. The only difference for bananas is the chocolate powder I substitute for the yogurt. I know you don’t care about my unhealthy, trying to be healthier, eating habits. I carry about 90 extra pounds around on a daily basis which probably falls under TMI and I suck at doing anything to be healthier. I know what I need to do–exercise every day, eat fruits and veg (including bananas), and stop eating ice cream. But sometimes, I’m driving nowhere near Dairy Queen and I just have a powerful need for a chocolate ice cream cone.

It’s probably a good thing I have twelve followers between WordPress, Twitter, Instagram, and Tumblr. This might be the most random thing I’ve posted in years. But in the ongoing effort to improve myself (#bestselfbs), I am trying to get better at writing and posting–although some may validly argue that posting this is doing nothing for me except clear my head and make some of my students’ initials slightly immortal.

Did I mention that bananas are kind of gross unless they are frozen and blended? Or in bread. Ohmygod I have the best recipe for chocolate banana bread–it’s ridiculously good. Like, really good. Oh, chocolate-banana muffins. I don’t know if these kids deserve my baking skills, but I’ve sucked at following through on making cinnamon rolls for the last two groups of seniors I have taught (sorry for my innate and growing laziness).

It’s raining today.

Actually, the first sounds I heard last night were the crackles and pops of my backyard neighbor’s fire–they have fires a lot and small parties. Six years ago they were louder and more obnoxious and I wasn’t yet on year-round anti-depressants so I may have reacted irrationally to their constant and late (like past one a.m.) and loud parties. Even a year later I found myself less bothered even though the only concession they made to having neighbors was no more live bands in the back yard (yes, that is a thing that totally happened). Now, I close my back door and my bedroom windows if they are too loud for my comfort–I love having my doors and windows open on summer evenings and summer mornings. I have learned to put it in the same category as neighbors who park in front of my house: so what?

Back to last night, it was kind of soothing to hear the fire, then to hear the rain as it started and picked up. I’m not a huge rain person, but I do like seasonal transitions. There’s something wonderful about the first few days of rain or the first snowfall (the first ice storm will never be a thing I love). I admit that I worry a little about how icy last winter was because I lost my beloved Honda to black ice on the way to visit the folks for Christmas and I have real concerns about driving my used Prius through windy Gorge days or icy conditions anywhere. The gas mileage may be great, but it often feels like a breeze could knock the car off the road.

It’s not the first of the month, my birthday, New Year’s, or any other day that most people would look at as “hey, I should set a goal and stick with it.” However, the randomness of October 6 fits my aesthetic. Once again, I am going to try to write (and publish) more. I’m shooting for at least three days a week. I’m also trying to remind myself that in five years I can buy a new car because my retirement funds will be repaid the down payment which will free up a lot of my disposable cash. I don’t stick to budgets or plans very well, so I’m trying to remind myself that a little less frivolity now will be better for me later–then I can buy my Subaru or my Honda CR-V. I’m also hoping that publishing my random writing might lead to people responding to what I write or at least help me feel like a real “writer.”

After I get that new car, I’ll still have another fifteen years of teaching (I’m shooting for a full forty years). I have toyed with the idea of applying to an MFA program for Creative Nonfiction Writing to help me do a better job of building my students’ voices and confidence. All I ever want to do is be a better teacher.